Sometimes, there are these moments when you think your head can’t take one more word, sound or thought. When you don’t know how to make something happen, and you’re afraid you’ll never achieve what you want.
Maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about, maybe you do. I know I do.
This afternoon I had one of these moments.
Tomorrow I have another M&O test. I was so afraid that I would mess it up. For my last test, the one I could do again, I had an amazing grade (a 6.9!), and so at this moment I really want to get a good grade for this test as well. But I was afraid. Afraid that I would mess it up again, that I would forget everything, that I would do everything wrong.
That’s one of those horrible moments, when I’m close to crying.
At those moments I am very grateful for the amazing God that we have. He gives you amazing people next to you that will perk you up. Amazing people that you can ask to pray for you, by just sending them an e-mail. Or amazing boyfriends that tell you to relax, that you’re okay the way you are.
And above all, you can go to this amazing God. It is so wonderful.
I couldn’t take it anymore this afternoon. I thought I was going crazy. So I turned on a very good CD (JesusCulture, for those interested:)), and lay down on my bed. I went to God, and told Him that I was afraid, and that I couldn’t do this on my own. Asked Him if He wanted to give me peace, and help me to finish studying with peace. If He could do this for me, as I wasn’t capable myself.
And He did. He gave me peace, He is helping me.
At this moment, I am not looking forward to my test, but I’m relaxed about it. It will be okay, whether I get a good grade or not. God will help me, and He is with me.
Is He with you too?
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that's an amazing testimony! and very recognizable too.
BeantwoordenVerwijdereni went to uni, terribly afraid. all those new books, stuffed with difficult words. all those texts i couldn't understand and answers i couldn't find. so disappointing, because uni was going to be my new start! my fabulous study career! ...yet here i was, under so much pressure and not able to get one word on paper. i knew i knew everything i needed to know, but the moment i stepped into that giant hall with all those white test sheets lying on those tables, hundreds and hundreds of them, my enthusiasm fled and so did my hours of studying.
i tried to encourage myself: stop being so afraid. you know you can do this, don't be silly! but i couldn't. and i messed up. i had a 6.8 and i could just slap myself.
this. was. not. good. enough. for the first time in my life i had found something i was eager to work hard for and i blew it.
i talked to derek and his answer was very simple: you're right. you can't do it.
(wait a minute. weren't pastors supposed to be supporting? caring?)
he went on: i can't preach either.
(then i understood. he was clearly not well. he is one of the most gifted preachers i know!)
then he handed me the key: but God can. tell Him you can't do it and ask Him to do it for you.
from that moment i started getting 8.0's and 9.0's. very satisfying, but not mine. the glory is His.
SO HOW WAS YOUR TEST? (i'm so sorry i forgot to ask!)
Lieve schat,
BeantwoordenVerwijderenIk vind het zo mooi dat je zo eerlijk durft te zijn hier. :) & je hebt je nu voorbereid, je hebt gedaan wat je kunt... morgen nog een geschiedenis en daarna ontspannen.
Take care! x
hm. so sorry for the wall of text too.
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